it's official

i am SO not ready to have another kid. i thought that if we had a contraceptive mishap that i would be fine. but when my 'riod was a whole 6 hours late this past week, one would have thought i was knocking on death's door.

over the past month i have been completely stressed out over ainsley and baltimore city transportation and education. so much that i had my very first panic attack ever and landed in the ER because i thought i was dying. really. so a few cardiac tests, and dr. visits and cat scans later, i was told that i'm stressed out and need to relax. NO FUCKING SHIT PEOPLE! jesus! and i thought i was handling my life fairly well, considering. so i am given a stress relieving med, and told to lighten up. what else is new. i have found the sport for that by the way....smashyaface...hehehe. no really, suicide sprints on rollerskates really kicks my ass, but i feel really good afterward.

i chill for the week after my scare, make sure to eat well and skate often, and then wham. punched in the face with a late 'riod. i haven't had to dip into the meds by the way. so, what happens, i almost flipped out again. i'm too damn scared and i'm too into what i have going on to put it on hold for another pregnancy. i'm not down, and i might not ever be. i can barely handle what i have on my plate now. no dessert thanks. sorry ladies. i don't think i have it in me. i think i need to keep the little sanity that i have left. speaking of which, i'm off to take my daughter to my ex husbands house....

first weeks of school pay off....go figure....

so, i hope you are all sitting down, cuz you are not going to behive this one...no i'm not pregnant. as of last week, my husband and ainsley's father are in charge of getting ainsley up in the morning, dressing her, feeding her and taking her to school. yup, and she hasn't fallen apart yet or gone to school looking white trash. her hair isn't really done, but it is brushed so what more can a girl ask for?! i mean really, this is the ex-husband and current husband working as a team and it is actually working....i think i'm still in shock.....