it's official

i am SO not ready to have another kid. i thought that if we had a contraceptive mishap that i would be fine. but when my 'riod was a whole 6 hours late this past week, one would have thought i was knocking on death's door.

over the past month i have been completely stressed out over ainsley and baltimore city transportation and education. so much that i had my very first panic attack ever and landed in the ER because i thought i was dying. really. so a few cardiac tests, and dr. visits and cat scans later, i was told that i'm stressed out and need to relax. NO FUCKING SHIT PEOPLE! jesus! and i thought i was handling my life fairly well, considering. so i am given a stress relieving med, and told to lighten up. what else is new. i have found the sport for that by the way....smashyaface...hehehe. no really, suicide sprints on rollerskates really kicks my ass, but i feel really good afterward.

i chill for the week after my scare, make sure to eat well and skate often, and then wham. punched in the face with a late 'riod. i haven't had to dip into the meds by the way. so, what happens, i almost flipped out again. i'm too damn scared and i'm too into what i have going on to put it on hold for another pregnancy. i'm not down, and i might not ever be. i can barely handle what i have on my plate now. no dessert thanks. sorry ladies. i don't think i have it in me. i think i need to keep the little sanity that i have left. speaking of which, i'm off to take my daughter to my ex husbands house....