Funny how things change in so little time

i just spent an entire year and some months trying to get pregnant. go figure. all that talk of not getting preggers. we're due in may! :)

it's official

i am SO not ready to have another kid. i thought that if we had a contraceptive mishap that i would be fine. but when my 'riod was a whole 6 hours late this past week, one would have thought i was knocking on death's door.

over the past month i have been completely stressed out over ainsley and baltimore city transportation and education. so much that i had my very first panic attack ever and landed in the ER because i thought i was dying. really. so a few cardiac tests, and dr. visits and cat scans later, i was told that i'm stressed out and need to relax. NO FUCKING SHIT PEOPLE! jesus! and i thought i was handling my life fairly well, considering. so i am given a stress relieving med, and told to lighten up. what else is new. i have found the sport for that by the way....smashyaface...hehehe. no really, suicide sprints on rollerskates really kicks my ass, but i feel really good afterward.

i chill for the week after my scare, make sure to eat well and skate often, and then wham. punched in the face with a late 'riod. i haven't had to dip into the meds by the way. so, what happens, i almost flipped out again. i'm too damn scared and i'm too into what i have going on to put it on hold for another pregnancy. i'm not down, and i might not ever be. i can barely handle what i have on my plate now. no dessert thanks. sorry ladies. i don't think i have it in me. i think i need to keep the little sanity that i have left. speaking of which, i'm off to take my daughter to my ex husbands house....

first weeks of school pay off....go figure....

so, i hope you are all sitting down, cuz you are not going to behive this one...no i'm not pregnant. as of last week, my husband and ainsley's father are in charge of getting ainsley up in the morning, dressing her, feeding her and taking her to school. yup, and she hasn't fallen apart yet or gone to school looking white trash. her hair isn't really done, but it is brushed so what more can a girl ask for?! i mean really, this is the ex-husband and current husband working as a team and it is actually working....i think i'm still in shock.....

Charm City Roller Girls Car Wash

im now on the merchandising and art committee for CCRG so unfortunately for the readers of the blog, you now have me soliciting you! if anyone is in the charm city area, we are having a car wash at the otto bar (howard street downtown) on sunday august 28th from 11am-7pm. proceeds go to support CCRG closed skates and practices. thank you for your support. skate on ladies....

i think i'm crazy

i've been thinking about my meems and her comments on my blog about me and my bloody drawers, and i think i have lost my mind. i mean, i remember rolling down the stairs with my hot pink drawers in my hand (they were my favorite ones) and i was very upset.and hot. i was pissed to have to get the 'riod. i was pissed that the pad made noise when i walked across the room let alone running down the soccer fields. i was pissed in general which i might be able to just blame on the birth of my brother (mom, is that when it started"?!) i'm crazy i know. maybe i have made myself belive that i shoved them. maybe from my perspective i did. but i remember it sucked and i hated every minute of it. i have to say that i have grown used to it now, but i still think it sucks and i cannot wait for it to be over. while i hear the "change" sucks too. i still hate it. poor meems. i hope i didn't totally offend you meems.

why i cannot have another kid right now

so i went to have a burger with my husband on our usual saturday night date. we LOVE red robin which is quite ironic since the redheaded giant asshole is a manager there. anyway last week when we went, my husbands balls shriveled up when we walked in the door. at least that's what he claims! there were 20, yes 20, 10 year olds at a table with like 2 adults who didn't have control of the situation and red robin had been taken over. not to offend, but ewww. it is moments like this that make me snap out of any child bearing mindset and feel the need to just take what i have and run. or skate. i cannot be a CCRG with a bun in the oven! i love my ainsley and i think that for now i'm content. we'll keep you posted on the procreation plans, but right now i just want to skate and hang some curtains. don't count me out yet cara! we do still have an appointment with a high risk doc in september! i promise!

good lord

so, i have some issues (like that isn't obvious) so i'm just gonna get it out there.

i know that telemarketers have a job to do....but someone please tell me how many of them are there. sheesh. my phone rings so much i'm going back to work full time. that's not the only reason, i'll get to that later. but MY GOD!!! Stop fucking calling my house. same people, lower my mortgage, switch to dish network, switch to dsl, blah blah blah. my favorite is i've been chosen EVERY DAY....EVERY FUCKING DAY to go on a free vacation, including a cruise to some glorious destination. now, how in the hell could i be so fucking lucky to win a free vacation every day of the week, but i cannot win mega millions to save my life!? just a question. and i feel bad for these people because i've begun to lie to them. will i go to hell for telling them that i don't have a mortgage? i mean really?! we've had our mortgage for a whole two months and it's been sold twice since settlement for the love of god. isn't that all i need?! ok so, on to the other crap.

i got a new job. doing the same stuff, phlebotomy. i'm over the fact that i hate it. it's not something to really hate, i'm fairly good at it. i rarely have to stick someone more than once. i can get blood out of almost anyone. but the monotony of it all is a bit over bearing. i almost want people with difficult veins so that i have something challenging to do that day. so, i gave my notice at the current job and they counter offered at a bunch more money. now, this is a big deal. cuz it's several dollars. so now i really want to stay, but i might have to choke a few co workers! well just one really. mostly because he is a HUGE asshole. now i have to call the other company and hope that they don't counter offer cuz i can't handle a bidding war. so i'll keep you posted. this means full time work again for me. yuck. but i can't handle the poverty bit anymore. there's alot more to this one so i'll have to add later.

my kid starts a new school next week and i'm freaking out. my house is a complete disaster and dirty too. i'm going to work full time to help with making our lives better but i'm scared that it will be a chaotic mess.

my only release lately is Charm City Roller Girls ( CCRG ) i'm busy. i have alot on my plate. so why in the hell did i decide that i needed to join the new roller derby league in b-more?! IT IS SOOOO FUCKING AMAZING AND FUN!!!!!! i cannot tell you how much fun i'm having. i used to use soccer as an outlet when i was a kid. now i can knock girls over and earn points for doing it! i got red carded a lot in soccer (damn that jocie curtis) but now i have found a sport where i can revisit my fav roller skating and knock peeps over and be rewarded....what more is there to ask for.....


CCRG--SKATE YER ASSES OFF!

sheewwwwwwwww.........

now i know the recent posts have been a bit frantic and all about the puberty thing. however, i think that my insanity had been taken over by my stress about my state board exam that was a two week process and is finally over. and thank god i passed, because my husband would have had to put my ass in sh. pratt if i didn't. i haven't had a good night's sleep in about a month (sorry cara, i know i shouldn't complain about that one)but after the test on monday and work on tuesday, i slept for about 12 hours tuesday and another 8 on wednesday plus a 2 hour nap. sheesh. i guess when your head isn't filled with crap like compressions to rescue breath ratios for infants/children/neonates and adults, and the fact that your nine year old has titty balls, you can get a good nights sleep! i just wanted to say thanks to my BTB that have supported my endeavor and to thank my girl ainster for inspiration. it's all for you monster.

and we have


over the shoulder titty ball holders! :) haha! i've got to find a new way to amuse myself! sheesh. so this mama went to the target yesterday and purchased little brasiers for ainstermonster. some white and some colored. so, she was excited when i showed them to her and then she decided that they looked like her bathing suit top (same shape) and every five seconds she said "mom, swim". for about an hour! she insisted on showing me her bra all day too. and the folks at school tried to figure out why she kept saying "ba" and pointing to her shirt. they finally called me to find out if i knew what she was talking about. she's out of school for the next three weeks so hopefully we can get a handle on the "ba" issue!