so i peed my pants today....well almost....

i have a few very interesting people that i work with. that is just an understatement. some i LOVE. most i dislike. as i sat down for my break this morning (which by the way is at 9am, which means i'm 3 hours into my workday already...that just makes my stomach ache...)tangent, sorry....i started to talk to a co-worker about the "breast bud" issue. she said "breast buds"?! "what are breast buds"? i said "you know, when your breast begin to develop and you have little boobies". THIS IS NOT A LIE...her exact response was....."oh, you mean "titty-balls". that's all i have to say today.

and then there were...breast buds....

so i freaked out earlier. nothing new. but i SWEAR i dropped my girl off on saturday evening and she was fine. today she has what her pediatrician calls "breast buds".how do is it possible to grow breast buds in like 3 days? and,um, did that term exist in 1983? i don't remember it. i also didn't get the official talk until 2 of the pastors daughters were knocked up and i was 14. now do you all understand why i am at a loss here?! i was 11 when i started. i was the tom-boy girl on the block. did nothing but make mud-pies, play soccer and beat up any other kid who fucked with my baby brother(a lot of good that did huh?!)so when i carried my soiled drawers down the stairs to my mother (watching her afternoon soaps on a hot july day) i very bluntly stated "mom, i'm too young for this shit" ,shoved my underware into her face and began to bitch about how pads were going to interfere with my sports. and so it began. i really do think that i am still bitter about it all. not that i think it was all my parents fault. my mom just didn't know what to do i guess. gee, wonder where i get that from.....
dr. seymour suggested a book from the american girl series about caring for the body. i don't think that ainster will be able to handle the my body myself book or whatever it was called. i didn't get it so i don't get it....but my mind is at ease for a little while. the one suggested apparently has illustrations that the doc seems to think will be appropriate....wish me luck on my puberty learning adventure. viv la ovaries.

ok, this blog thing is the fault of cara and amy. that's all i have to say. so here it goes. (and you all thought that i had it all off my chest!) it has been nine years, and i still have a lot of shit to get off of my chest.appanrently :)

i am the mom of an amazing little girl. a little girl that was born at 27 weeks gestation, via emergency c-section, only to not breathe her first breath for about 15 minutes and spend the first month and a half of her life on a ventilator. she weighed 780 grams at birth( not quite two pounds of peanut m&m's) and had a bleed in her brain that couldn't be resolved for 13 weeks after she was born. in order for them to relieve the pressure on her brain from the excess fluid, they stuck a syringe in her soft spot every other day and drained off just enough cerebral spinal fluid to keep the pressure off, but to not cause seizures. finally, 3months and 3 days after she was born, they sent me home. yup, someone thought it was ok to send me home with a baby, on a heart and lung monitor to boot. and that was just the beginning. Nine years, 2 eye surgeries, 2 shunt revisions, 1 bilateral leg extention surgery, hearing aids and glasses later, i have this extrodinary little girl who has the most contagious smile and beautiful personality. her happiness and onry-ness (how do you spell that?!) are so damn infectious that it could make anyone want to be nine again, just to cause trouble.

now that i can't think straight, i'll be sure to continue another day with the previous nine years. i always thought that it would get easier, but every day is a new challange for me. now i have the issue of...da da da....PUBERTY. WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO! i have so many issues with this one. i have my own issues with mentrual cycles, let alone explaining to my nine year old with cerebral palsy and a cognitive level of about 6 years of age. i know that i have to explain it before it happens i just have NO FUCKING IDEA HOW TO DO THIS! HELP!!!!! ANYONE!!!!!???????
if i don't explain it and it happens at school she will flip out. she might flip out anyway. i did when i was a kid. i just don't know about this one. and how is her father going to deal with it?! god only knows. i really think that it wouldn't be such a problem, ah how am i kidding. i'm gonna have my hands full soon. i guess i better get to researching.....